Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Unseen friends

I have a friend, N.  She is in labour as I write this. It is the most emotional labour I know of. She is a fantastic friend. A truly special person who deserves to become a mummy, and soon she will be.

I have never met N or spoke to her on the phone.  I don't know her address and I don't know if I ever will meet her. Although I would love to.

Now this may all seem strange to you. How come she is my friend? How do I know her?

Well we 'met' online on a particularly sad board on a baby website. We had both experienced miscarriages which is how we were thrown together. A group of us then set up a private facebook group where some of us have gone on to have babies, others have failed to get pregnant and some are sadly still having miscarriages. N is one of the long timers who became pregnant after numerous failed IVF attempts.  

Many a night has been spent praying for successful egg collection and egg transfer, praying the embryo with embed and remain 'sticky'. Hoping the hpt will show a positive result 2 weeks later. We have held each others virtual hands through early scans, bleeding, cramps and the milestone dates such as 12 week scans and getting further then we managed in previous unsuccessful pregnancies.

In our group we have 'chatted' away through arguments with out husbands and the temptations to give up trying to conceive. Many conversations have resulted in our husbands being thrown into virtual doghouses and some are not allowed out! 

I know these ladies better then I know some on my friends in real life. They know my deepest darkest secrets and my hopes and fears.  Nothing is taboo in this group of friends. Unlike in real life where we may keep our fears of husbands being up to no good or drinking too much a secret from our friends. Where we may not tell them what we weigh and how much we actually ate for tea last night. We may hide our ocd's from them and pretend we don't hang our clothes in colour and style order. We certainly wouldn't discuss feeling our cervix or which pile cream is best with most of our real life friends.

Yet this group of friends I have online that I talk to all day and every night know all of this. They are there for me literally day and night. You can guarantee if I have a worry I can ask this group of girls and one of them will answer me within minutes. They don't think "oh no not her again worrying about something else".

N is not the last to become a mummy, we are still hoping there will be others in our little group. But she is one of the long timers. She has suffered more then her fair share and I am delighted that she is soon to become a mummy. She is living her dream and is currently in labour. She will soon take home her precious little baby. The one we all prayed for when it was just a cluster of cells in a dish. The one we held our breath every night for weeks waiting to hear if the transfer was successful. The one we know will have the most fantastic life because this baby was wanted so much, and has a group of cyber aunties that will be monitoring its every achievement in life.

We are waiting for your birth announcement little baby...


  1. Oh my you managed to make me cry. Fingers crossed that N has her take home baby in her arms very soon x

  2. Wow fantastic news for your friend an such a happy ending to what no doubt felt like a never-ending journey.

  3. I'm crying too, and am so glad to have 'met' you virtually online too x

  4. Our little group is only the way it is because it's full of people like you. This new arrival will be one of the rare and special ones because of the journey N's been on over the years and while all safe arrivals are celebrated, this one is one that just seems to deserve the extra hooray. xx

  5. N's little baby GIRL has arrived safe and sound. A very very proud and beautiful moment for anyone lucky enough to know her. Xx

  6. My Mum doesn't understand about the internet. She thinks it is a shame we "communicate with screens" rather than people. But some of my greatest friendships are developing online right now, because we have something in common. And I have since met several of these people in real life. So I believe the internet improves friendships rather than negating them. Lovely post btw

  7. I was on the Netmums baby boards with Ozzy and when my pnd kicked in they were all really supportive. It was super when pregnant to know that at any given time of day or night - when you were up with indigestion or worried about lack of movements - that other woman in a similar position were just at the end of the pooter!

  8. A beautiful post, before I started my blog and engaged with twitter I had no idea of the amazing connections that can be made. I too have experienced miscarriage and it would have made such a difference to have virtual support available. x

  9. I am so glad that N has her baby girl, and what a lucky baby girl she is. There may be a couple of little tears on my cheek now too

  10. Awwww, I am N and thank you so much for your lovely post. Your support and all my other virtual chums has seen me through 3 years of pain and desperation. I too hope that one day I can get across for a meet up. My little girl is 7 weeks old today, who would have thought this day would ever be here. Love you all xx

  11. You made me cry and then I cried more reading N's comment above. I too met many wonderful people on a baby forum and we too have a FB chat circle.
    I suffered 3 mc's before having my twins and it's something you never forget. A beautiful post celebrating friends and the internet. Just think go back 10 years everyone was so sceptical of online friends.
    Popping in from BritMums Newbie Tuesday

    1. Hi thanks for the link. I just reread this myself and cried again too. Its truly amazing. I don't think I could have survived without my online friends, they just 'know' don't they? Sorry to read you had to go through the heart ache of 3 miscarriages before you had your babies. x


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